His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
