True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
