i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
