He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
whose ass print is on the piano?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize