i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How does one acquire holy water?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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