I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize