I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
