Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
