Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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