I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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