Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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