You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
