i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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