Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Buhtt sex?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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