Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
