oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
