My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize