Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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