I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
