It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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