I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
