Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize