I cockslap morals
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
