Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
