Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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