Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
did you just send me my own nude
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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