God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
...so i touched it.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
