Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
