You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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