i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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