ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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