Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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