I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Ladies don't puke and tell
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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