I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i dont even know how to be here
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Two words: blizzard sex
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
