I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
