he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize