I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
