Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You can't special order awesome
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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