he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
