I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
