Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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