oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Everything about him screamed your future.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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