so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
