Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
