I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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