Yo dont text me then not text me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
