just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize