if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
home. puking in laundry basket.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
