i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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