New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
