I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
