are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
