I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize