I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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