dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
