I want to walk on stilts...naked
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
