I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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