i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
