My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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