i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
