we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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