am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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