mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
did i just pee glitter
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
