Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
