so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
