If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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