Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
