We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't deserve a penis
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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