You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
