Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
