you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
