I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
