I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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