Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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