True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
