At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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