I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My ass is underappreciated
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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