Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
